she said the L word

"enough with the photos, let's eat the cake already."

this might come as a surprise but my porpor (nan) has never used the L word on me. not once. but when i called today to speak with her and my kongkong (gramps) she actually said she loved me.

now it's not like i didn't already know that. i know very well how much my grandparents love me and it's a great feeling because i'm incredibly blessed to have grandparents who're lucid and in the pink of health despite pushing 90. and they show their love rather than say it which i personally prefer to effusive i love yous that are sometimes used as conversation fillers.

it's in the meals porpor cooks for me when i walk over for lunch after class, it's in the constant reminders to eat well and sleep well, it's in her gentle nudging to make the most of my opportunities (instead of giving it all up for a man and family!), it's in the space she gives me and the deliberate choice she makes not to rush me into settling down, beautifully complemented by the way she treats the love of my life as if he were her own. and kongkong's always indulging me, letting me go on and on about the banalities of my existence as we connect over our shared idiosyncracies that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company, lest we come across as nazis ;)

in part, i attribute it to an asian reticence, where the L word isn't something to be bandied about and in fact, viewed as something that only the decadent west (haha i love that expression!) is privy to. this reticence extends to a physical reservation where my grandparents are hardly touchy feely. interestingly enough, i think they like it when i hug and kiss them but they never hug back. nor do they ever initiate it. yet, it's great to feel loved, to enjoy the depth of their affection for me. and once in awhile, it's really nice to hear it too. like today, over the phone, which kinda sucker-punched me, in a good way. because i know it's not something she's used to saying, to hear her verbalise it, knowing she most definitely means it, is nothing short of extraordinary.

so maybe the L word is overrated. maybe it's unnecessary if the receiver already knows. i don't need to hear it from them to know they do, although it was music to my ears all the same, because i love her too.