self-discovery

or not.

i've the terrible tendency to look for an epiphany in everything. most times, there is no epiphany to be found! hence, the self-imposed steep learning curve isn't much of a curve. and it's gotten particularly obvious when i start to whinge about stockholm.

don't get me wrong. i'm thrilled to be going on exchange. but having decided not to go on exchange once, it's a challenge to muster up the suitable amount of excitement at the prospect of spending a semester away, grateful as i am to the powers-that-be that miraculously wrangled me an exchange place.

i'm, thankfully, not so self-obsessed as to see exchange as a means of finding myself or establishing an identity independent of my family and friends. i know drama queens who make a big deal out of going away and attempt to establish some form of pseudo-independence. if that works for them, great, but i'm not at a stage where i feel the need to prove anything to myself, or anyone else for that matter.

a mad eurotrip isn't on the agenda either, because i've had the benefit of visiting friends while they were on exchange in europe. been there, done that, have the obligatory facebook albums to show for it. been "independent" for 14 weeks (over winter'07 and summer'08) - bought groceries, survived on my own cooking, learnt basic survival skills like vaccuming, laundrying, planned trips, carried a backpack (maybe twice) and realised that while i can survive on my own, i just don't particularly enjoy it. so it's semi-silly to voluntarily spend 5 months away. because i already know i can take care of myself. because i don't have identity issues. plus it's grossly overrated to make a big deal out of exchange when other college kids spend years away from home.

so to buck the exchange-is-my-key-to-independence trend, i welcome any help that comes my way (especially if this help relieves me of manual labour) and am gratefully accepting trip itineraries from friends who've been there done that. yes, i mock myself for being a dependent lump of lard. but independence is overrated. as is self-discovery. i guess i know i can do all that, have done all that and will be the first to admit that it wasn't particularly pleasant and i can do without.

oh, and my conclusion is that there is no epiphany to be found. i'm merely going to experience the wonders of swedish life for 5 months and then come home. hohum.