the strange passage of time

received a facebook invite to a friend's birthday party and it's that time of the year again.

four years ago, the day i passed my driving test or very shortly after, i drove over for his birthday but with granny in the car because i couldn't drive alone then! conveniently forgetting while on the way there, that having granny in the car meant that i'd probably have to go straight home! such a rookie error :( so i dropped off the tiramisu, ok, more like thrust the tiramisu at the ever reliable jonathan (birthday boy nowhere to be found, probably sexytiming somewhere, come to think of it), and went straight home, frazzled enough by driving on the expressway for the first time. 

friend fail.

the next year, at the next party, i've great memories of us ordering in too many chicken mcnuggets (probably in the hundreds) and scoffing nuggets at the nearby playground. juvenile as it sounds in retrospect, that was a fun night. i think a few plastic dustbins of the sembcorp kind were involved but mcnuggets, my love, was a distinct memory.

and of course in all that time, people come and go. the birthday boy once got all emo while we were at cafe del mar (omgosh, retro maxxx) lamenting that he'd lost the love of his life and was doomed to a life of wanton lust in a monastry (?!) but fast forward two, maybe three years, and this year his birthday party is at his girlfriend's, where he is the live-in lover. oh we used to joke about that, once upon a time before we all knew any better, but maybe we were prescient because it has indeed come to pass. 

so time is cyclical and suddenly i feel that the four years since i passed my driving test have flown by. my own birthday isn't the milestone, but this part of october somehow is.

saturday sunset

it's funny how evenings are the most chilled out part of my day and then it picks up speed from there.

had lazy morning after the big clean up and emerged in the afternoon for a grease fix at jerry's at club street to counter the residual alcohol. chased the grease with coffee at shots at ann siang. impromptu spin after - spontaneity is underrated. battled the crazy traffic being out at sea is always worth it ;)

left my camera at home so these photos (all unedited) were snapped on the iPhone. really impressive quality. despite my nonstop whinging about the heat, i've to admit that the horrid weather made for some atypically stunning sunsets. look at the clouds! look at the light dispersion! love how within seconds the sky changed colour. wow :)

and now, continuing with this back-to-nature, expose thyself to the elements theme, i'm off to conquer the hill in an attempt to undo this week's damage, for maggi goreng and prata past-midnight comes at a price and my body is a temple. ommmm...

day 30

monday 7 june 2010 valencia

because we were so wiped out the day before, J and his incredible hospitality had to wait till valencia day 2. we arranged to meet for lunch near the hostel and J brought us to this cute curbside cafe where we'd all the local delicacies we'd space for. one of the drawbacks of being well fed is that i've not enjoyed the sensation of a brand new taste in awhile. you know that feeling, like when you try something for the very first time and it's like nothing you've ever had before. the best thing i can think of is my first taste of uni (sea urchin).  it's become a bit of a personal quest for me to experience a new taste at every opportunity, which has been harder than anticipated. at lunch with J, however, i tried tomato jam for the first time. the consistency was familiar, after all, who hasn't had preserve of some sort or other before. but tomato, sweet as it may be off the vine, gave the dish a whole new element. combined with some local goat cheese and i was in gastronomical heaven. good stuff! and a great sensory memory.

after lunch, J invited us back to his terrace for coffee and, um, we accidentally stayed for 12hours, only leaving at 3am. such was his legendary hospitality, and the lure of his housemate, C's fanstastic cooking. 

meet lao! J has the cutest sharpei :)

coffee turned into dinner as C insisted that we stayed for a home-cooked meal. we whiled the afternoon away soaking up the summer sun on the terrace and i was very proud of Y, my crabby patty friend, for being at her amiable best ;) C is an excellent chef and we made believe it was restaurant night, all fancy schmancy on their terrace. this was by far one of my best days this summer - just sitting on the terrace, hanging loose with Y and our new friends. nobody had anything more pressing to do, which was very much part of the pleasure. Y and i were done with exams, C was on holiday and anticipating going to lisboa on erasmus, and J was enjoying his last few weeks in valencia before moving to mumbai alone and indefinitely. pretty awesome, huh.

and after dinner, the gents had some friends over and we got to meet even more friendly locals. really interesting characters and such fun to get to know. when we reluctantly left at 3, their dentist friend offered to walk us back but we were too macho to accept his chivalrous offer. bad idea.

and ladies and gents, i present the only lowlight my entire holiday. 

as Y and i were walking back at 3am, a burly man passed us and called out, "japan japan?". we ignored him. he tried again, "korea korea?" and we looked away. "china china?" this time we picked up speed and hurried towards the hostel. the man then took a left and was soon out of sight. whew, we sighed in relief.

suddenly, out of one of the side streets, we saw an oddly shaped shadow. as we got closer, we saw that said man had dropped his pants and was PLAYING WITH HIMSELF. this time, no amount of flasher 101 so deliberately indoctrinated in us over years of being in an all girls' school* could prepare us for an actual flasher. too scared to run (you know how you're not supposed to run away from a mad dog because he'll chase...) we walked as fast as we could and none too soon, arrived unscathed but shaken at our hostel.

thankfully he was a harmless perv with an asian fetish (or so we inferred) but that was definitely too close for comfort. 

and i still say today was one of the best the whole trip, flashing incident notwithstanding. that's just how much we enjoyed J and C's company and hospitality, they even made up for the loco local.

*whack it with a brolly / laugh and exclaim, 'so small!' / take photo and lodge police report

day 24

tuesday 1 june 2010 stockholm to skavsta

crazy mad rush of a day!

rolled outta bed at J's and straight to lunch with C (click for link to read more about C!) at gondolen. never been up the tourist trap and C was very kind to take me. had a great time catching up with C, one of the spriteliest seniors i know. he's in his 70s and a grandfather a few times over and he's got a wide array of interests, from picking up italian as a 5th language 8 years ago, followed by almost monthly trips to italy for language courses, to golf, and scuba diving (he learnt last year!) and he cooks haute gastronomy and i am so very inspired by him and am more convinced than ever that age is not a limit. so as you can imagine, C is fascinating company and excellent conversation. plus he was kind enough to introduce me to not one, but two sets of swedish partners for which i am immensely grateful. so after lunch, we strolled to his boho legal consultancy smack in the middle of gamla stan for tea. my mama taught me never to go anywhere empty handed, so we picked up some pastries first and spent the afternoon discussing one of their partners newly-formed private equity fund. they asked if i'd 5million euro to invest. HAHA. how i wish! hence i am constantly awed by their hospitality and warmth (so much for my anti-swedish people rant) because i am nothing, for now at least, and yet they are so very kind.

was offloading with A about the semi-guilt i felt taking up other people's time and not being able to contribute much (we met at the nobel square to sit and talk till i'd to go) and she shared an interesting perspective. she said that the golden oldies probably didn't need anything from anyone (except maybe that EUR5million) and could very likely have been just happy to have a young person to share their views with, to pass it on. felt a lot less obliged and liability-esque after our last face-to-face h2h and am more determined than ever to pay it forward. that's the beauty of hospitality, especially the warm european hospitality i've been so blessed to receive on my travels. it just inspires me to treat guests and travellers who come my way as well as i can within my means :)

said goodbye to A, and the rest of the gang who'd just caught the annie leibowitz exhibition by the water, and literally ran from J's (picked up my stuff) to central, where i caught the 2nd last bus to skavsta.

lovely airport hotel, btw, and i watched family guy from the restaurant and felt connected to my kungshamra corridormates, with whom i've established a tuesday night family guy watching ritual.

skavsta in the setting sun

clean lines of the airport hotel

thoughts

i graduate tomorrow.

yes, i've gotten used to the idea, having first finished my final paper in early may, and then i got my results by text while in stockholm (sitting in my kitchen surrounded by my housemates from last year - whoops all round, thank you very much. and then they tried to get me drunk on my own pear cider. not happening.) and then again when i began the post-grad course yesterday.

so why oh why am i suddenly immensely humbled and increasingly overwhelmed at the thought of traipsing down a stage in my cap and gown? even if for some reason i oversleep and skip commencement all together, i'll still have my qualifications... so it's not about the ceremony, really. but how it signifies completion, coming-of-age and unceremonious release to the big bad world. gulp.

that said, i'm determined to wear my booties with the gown. hehe.

and, on a more sober note, thank you god for opportunity.

packing is procrastination

have the first of my 3 sit-in finals tomorrow and in protest i decided to pack for the great graduation trip. am in a wee packing pickle because the grad trip involves three differing segments, and possibly in decreasing level of luxury. oops. should really have organised it the other way round and worked myself up to the good stuff but the timing didn't allow.

so i begin with a week long cruise down the seine with the parentals on a glorified river barge. apparently if (they'd) paid a little more, (we) wouldn't have to row. but i do so hope it's just my father's macabre sense of humour. and this food cruise promises to be luxurious, potential boatwoman threat aside. we're going up the seine from paris to les andelys, rouen, normandy, caudebec (monfleur), vernon (giverny) then back to paris. as the barge docks at each port, the chef and his entourage are supposed to descend on the village and buy fresh local produce that will become breakfast, lunch and dinner. am drooling just thinking about it! the only part i'm not too happy about is that we double back and disembark in paris too. i hate doubling-back. the lack of displacement unsettles me. anyhoos, once back in paris, we meet up with him and have two days all together before the parental go home and we continue to tuscany and the amalfi coast for part 2.

thankfully we enjoy a higher standard of living compared to previous holidays - in fact, am incredibly blessed that we've levelled up every holiday, in tandem with his career. whilst not as upmarket as parent-standard, it's still not too shabby. we end with two days in paris and then he goes home (sense the trend? my constant abandonment. first by parents, then by him. sigh.)

and after he's gone, i proceed with part 3 on my own. this is when reality bites and i've to rough it out on my backpacking budget. am still uncertain where i'll be staying in stocks - living on the edge, eh. from stocks it's on to spain (barca, valencia, madrid) where i also don't know where i'll be staying (eek!) save for valencia where i'll be a house guest. so...

back to the packing dilemma! i don't know what to wear! will probably bring my blue brick for the seine cruise with my backpack inside it. and send the brick and nice clothes home with the parents because i'm limited to 6kg of hand carry on the rest of my time intra-europe. growl. and to choose appropriate attire for all three parts. am tempted to spend the next 5 weeks languishing in boho skirts and flip flops. mhmm :) can't wait to break out the floppy hats, oversized sunnies and scarves. alternatively i just might throw the towel (that i've to carry bleh) and succumb to sloth, instead attempting to pull off dishevelled backpacker distress-chic. unwashed tshrit? check. faded, torn, unwashed jeans? check. dusty sandals? check.

pity party

my cheap ikea pot gave up the ghost about 4 months post-purchase. mid pancake-flip, the handle broke clean off. while i know that they're for different use in the kitchen and it's like saying i miss the vacuum cleaner when the washing machine's broken, i miss my dutch oven so bad. can't wait to get home and break it out for christmas cooking! mhmmmm :)

(note the deformed mutant pancake after unsuccessful half-flip)

malfunctioning pot aside, i persisted in pancake making, valiantly attempting to flip them with a knife instead (note knife gashes in pancake).

this looked more crepe than pancake-like. (note makeshift papertowel grip on pot side)

it did get marginally better with practice, although i can't say the same for the uneven heat distribution.

and i don't know why i didn't think of it earlier (actually, i do) but then P came and saw me struggling away and after laughing at me for five minutes straight, he suggested i try with a frying pan. well, here's a secret. i try to stay away from the communal pots and pans because they're generally biohazards but i was desperate and from the finished product, i think P was right. just this time.

to complete my pity-seeking story, on the way back to my room i managed to douse myself with a cup of chai. my nightshirt reeks of chai and i'm not scheduled for laundry any time soon. it's mornings like these that make me want to run right home :( am very very grateful for comfortable home to return to in less than three weeks. this' probably the last pseudo-independent stint in awhile and the novelty is fast wearing off.

p/s is it just me or does the pancake resemble prata more than those perfect cafe sirap creations?

carousel

the inertia's setting in and my camera's getting heavier and heavier, which explains the dearth of decent photos. been using my iphone for the more recent photos and hmm since i returned from berlin it's been a delightful carousel of fika, punch and elaborate dinners in.

it was A's birthday party on wednesday night in anticipation of her 22nd on thursday and she bravely undertook the mammoth task of cooking for 20. i don't know how she managed with the limited resources that is a communal kitchen, not to forget the multiple trips to the grocer's! we were overflowing from the dining room, elbows in each others' plates and the latecomers were relegated to the babychairs but it was an fantastic dinner thrown by an even more fantastic host. she actually gave us presents! on her birthday! and we'd authentic german gluehwine, courtesy of her mother. yummy :)

the fredagpunch mantel was shouldered by S this week and we took the opportunity to christen his floorboards with pineapple pieces. but he more than proved he was up for the challenge and as J, the punch pioneer sat there contentedly smacking his lips, we knew that our sacred punch was in safe hands. although i am absolutely devastated that it's the last punch of 2009 with the founding members. S leaves for tokyo on friday morning and that's the last i'm seeing of him in stockholm :(

and because i'm always conscious that my time in stockholm is quickly running out, i've subconsciously started prioritising and am spending as much time as i can with the friends i'm going to miss the most. suppose that's the thing about erasmus - most friendships are circumstantial and in the 4+months that have elapsed, i've had plenty time to get to know people better. the people i met and liked at the onset are not necessarily the same i've kept in touch with till now. some friends i grew to like and others, sadly, to like less. but the feeling's probably mutual so i'm not going to give myself too much credit for being likeable haha.

longer, more introspective post to come! just rambling now.

record-breaking dinner

C, the very kind swedish gentleman that M put me in touch with, invited us to dinner in his lovely home last week. dinner had been in the pipelines for months, since soon after i arrived in stockholm, actually, and C generously organised dinner for us to meet his (much younger) swedish friends.

in true swedish fashion, we all arrived promptly at 6pm and had a few glasses of petroleum-scented riesling (apparently a good riesling's supposed to have notes of petrol o.O) as C ran through the menu. didn't take any photos, unfortunately, because i thought it might be rude. me and my prison of good manners :( but let's see if i can describe dinner the way it was.

C served an antipasti of fermented herring (i call it the antisocial herring because it smells so bad!), parma ham, bruschetta with chopped mushrooms and olives. i've probably left something out but in a nutshell, he served an italian dinner with swedish elements, like the herring and later, moose. after we polished off the antipasti, C served capellini with a sauce of crushed roasted pine nuts and truffle oil as the primo piatto. delicious! and for il secondo he did a beautiful entrecot of moose with steamed vegetables and a delectable sauce made from wild mushrooms. mmmm :) i'd never eaten moose before that and it was rare and gamey. i love my meats red! and it was truly exotic to be in the guest of a swedish host, eating moose in his cosy kitchen. C then served a selection of french and swedish cheese and while i can't remember the names, i really enjoyed his pickings. and the dolce was a delightful marsala sabayon that he whipped up on the spot and served in martini glasses with a berry on top. absolutely gorgeous! it feel so festive :) and i'm a big fan of pretentious foamy-thingums so the sabayon was up my alley all right. he made it look so easy as he whisked away and stirred the delicate creation in its bain-marie. more wine, coffee and sweets followed the marsala sabayon and riveting post-dinner conversation till 3am.

and because i really enjoyed getting to know C's two other guests, here's an excerpt from an email to my mother about dinner.

C had two Swedish gentlemen for dinner too. Guessing they were in their 20s and with fascinating backgrounds, one is a consultant with Accenture in Stockholm but spent his childhood all over the world (with his diplomat parents) and only just moved back to Sweden for good. The other's with Capital Management in Private Equity. Big words that unfortunately don't mean much to me right now. I'd to google 'private equity', embarrassingly enough. To cut a long story short, we'd a lovely 9h dinner (is that common???) from 6pm-3am. Learnt early on that the Swedes start their evening engagements early but I didn't realise we'd only be done at 3am and C was a gracious host.

Over the course of the evening, I realised that i knew SO MUCH about Sweden and Swedish law! Even though the other guests didn't have a legal background (one studied Economics at LSE and the other business at a Swedish business school) they knew a fair bit about Swedish law and we spent most of the night in lively discussion about the peculiarities and unique characteristics of Swedish law. I shared my fascination with their communitarian underpinnings, the public right of access, no duty to maintain wife after divorce, the absence of a trusts and the subsequent creation of foundations, their lack of testamentary freedom, tax evasion (their contribution, not mine!) while I'd enjoyed the Swedish law lectures and was intrigued by the material (what? no protection of negative right of association???) I didn't know how much I'd absorbed and subconsciously thought about until dinner when talking about it! Discussing the unique Nordic law model with true-blue Swedes reminded me how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to be immersed in system so different from the one I'm used to. Suddenly the otherwise dull lectures came to life and I was truly grateful for the background and foundation my introduction class gave me.

O and M, C's other guests were such gentlemen and i'm glad to have gotten to know young swedes in a social, civilised context (as opposed to being elbowed by drunk swedes in a throng outside f12). it'd be sad if i returned to singers not knowing a single 'local'. although neither O nor M are truly 'local' in a restrictive sense of the word. M's from the south and O's spent more time outside sweden than in. but happy to have met them all the same!

and, seriously, 9h dinner. no wonder C plied us with coffee after midnight :)

the beginning of a love affair

it's official, i'm in love with paris and she's usurped london as my second favourite city. as you might imagine, this has caused a semi-pseudo-matrimonial problem because i now want to live in paris at some point while my anglophile lover is determined to return to his english roots.

was delighted when M & F invited me to spend some time in paris with them and their boys. they were perfect hosts and i've never felt more welcome. it's hard to believe that we last met about seven years ago! they've a lovely apartment along the leafy victor hugo with a stunning view of the rooftops of paris (came with the penthouse i guess) and a panoramic view of the eiffel tower. if i wasn't as enamoured with the darn tower as i already am, it might've been an overdose but i never tired of the beautiful lights at night. we spent the whole of sunday together, beginning with a boulangerie-fresh breakfast and then drove around paris in the spitting rain. went to isle st. louis, saw the notre dame and then had berthillon ice cream after lunch. oh my word, ice cream like never before. it was amazing and i forgot about the november chill and ate to my heart's content. tea at fouquet's and then japanese dinner. i told you they spoiled me :)

breakfast at laduree on monday and then the adults went to work, leaving me on my own. that's when i snuck off to taillevent and spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around on my own. M was sweet to take the afternoon off and once it was dark the whole family went for a boat ride down the seine followed by dinner at a sexy brasserie near where princess di's flame.

lazy breakfast in on tuesday and then more solo exploring. hopped onto the 63 because it stops outside their house and toured paris on the cheap. enjoyed moseying around on my own, ducking into quaint shops, practising my pigeon french and just breathing in the parisian air. yes, it's not usually fresh but this was after a long november shower so there wasn't a hint of pollution.

one thing that struck me during my time in paris was thank god i've a healthy lifestyle! i can't imagine how awful it'd be to have been a house guest if i was a wild party girl. when you stay with family friends, especially long-time family friends of your mother's, they don't expect you to be a brat. and i'm so glad that i was happy to wake at 8am with them and we'd be back home by 9pm so the boys could sleep by 10. i'd be left to my own devices after coming home and i'd busy myself with a book from their impressive collection. read lots about french history and culture (in english!) and chilled out on their rooftop with a cup of steaming coffee, fresh french pastries and the aforementioned view of the eiffel tower. not quite post-dinner fare but yummy all the same.

as a blessed little beneficiary of such hospitality and generosity, it just makes me want to pay it forward if ever i've the chance. and, of course, to bring them for a blow out meal when they're next in singers.

joy

it's been over 10 weeks since i left home and i'm still waiting for that dreaded bout of homesickness to hit. 10 weeks being the longest i'd previously been away from home prior to coming to stocks. then again, i wasn't homesick the last time and i thought maybe 10 weeks was too short to get homesick over but having crossed the 10 week mark and set a new personal record for pseudo-independent living, i'm wondering if i'll feel it. irreverent as it sounds, the only thing i miss about home is my rottie pup, who's fast morphing into a massive yearling without my being around to watch him grow up :( it sounds almost heartless to say that i don't miss my family, but truly, i don't. i call home often enough and am in constant text contact with them to the point where i don't even feel like we're apart. i really miss the food though, does that make me a terrible person, head ruled not by emotion but by my rumbling tummy? maybe it's not in me to get emotional. without a doubt i love my family to bits but i'm just not at a stage where i'm yearning for their presence or wanting to be back home.

it's been a liberating time away thus far and i know i'll be ready to go home when i need to but for now there's no point in getting irrationally bogged down by silly sentiment. it's not like i can miss home on demand, anyway. complain as i do about stocks and how it's so cold and i can't cook etc etc, i'm secretly relishing every moment here. i recognise that it's short but intense period where i've absolutely zero responsibility. how amazing is that! my inner escapist is turning cartwheels in glee at not having to do anything, go anywhere or meet anyone unless i want to. its self-indulgence at its hedonistic worst and i'd be the first to admit that it's a refreshing change from all the niggling obligations that come with being at home. not that home's a bad thing, i need to keep qualifying my statements, but it's a refreshing change nevertheless :)

at the back of my mind the voice of reason whispers that i graduate in six months, that i'll be done with college in the blink of an eye, that there are additional adult responsibilities about to pounce on me, that real work starts in january 2011 (thank you God that i know where i'm going and am only too happy to be there) which are all together a bundle of blessings that i'm actually looking forward to, it makes these few months in stockholm all the more special for i can truly appreciate the vacancy of my time when i know that it'll belong to me less after this brief surrealist existence. perhaps i don't register my gratitude at the opportunities i've been given often enough but beneath my perpetual protestations of having to do this, that and the other, is a latent satisfaction at having even survived 10 weeks on my own. dependency is a luxury that i'm all too pleased to have been afforded. while dependency has many veins, i refer predominantly to the physical well-being kind.

echoing the sentiment of the earlier post, it's a great place to be. it struck me awhile ago that there's nothing on my wishlist. if the proverbial genie in a bottle appeared and granted me three wishes, i wouldn't know what to wish for because i'm not in want. ok, another qualifier, maybe i'd ask aforementioned genie for a limitless supply of palate pleasers, because i'm always appreciative of good food but i prefer to attribute that to a cultivated appreciation rather than base gluttony, semantic as that may sound. am enjoying the balance of solo living and the gradual introduction to adult responsibilities on the home front. there have been some unexpected but most welcome developments that remind me of just how much there is in store when i go home and that's a great feeling too. incredibly happy to be on the cusp of major life change, to straddle my two worlds in gleeful limbo, inching towards a transition yet still distant enough to savour the present for what it is while peering excitedly into the future. and far from being reluctant to release my life as i know it, there's a time and place for everything and the winds are changing. the autumn leaves swirl as i glide through the blustery evening, weather befitting the mood although the shift most definitely isn't into a winter of discontent. i love anticipation, despite being absolutely terrible with surprises :)

so here's to life, love and happy hormones!

(i swear it was the pizza.)

shaken not stirred

was pleasantly surprised by the sushi :) wasn't expecting too much and didn't want to raise my hopes but it was pretty darn amazing and excellent value. definitely worth a repeat visit. and i was so happy to have real japanese food in stockholm. can't go wrong with a free flow of miso soup either! will go for lunch next and try their bento boxes. excited to have a new haunt. thanks C!

the sushi bandits sans J

and instead of sake,

we washed down the sushi with some 007-inspired fun.

and occupied the table the spanish armada vacanted.

J through drinking goggles

autumn colours as i turn into my little path home.

always a welcomed sight :)

although to quote N, it's beginning to feel like, "i've stuck my head in the freezer to search for ice cream."

had a good night. can't go wrong with sushi and great company. we'd the most impolite conversation over dinner about OB/GYN, the birds and the bees. who knew that dangling bits could twist so (no thanks to you, koops!) or that N would know so much about female exams. found out (from N) that S' good with his hands, hmm. and the question of the night was whether conducting pap*smears would be a viable holiday job (answer: vehement no). plus if you needed a gynae, would you be more comfortable with a man or lady doctor? and J's solution to the world's problems is making the guys responsible for their own fertility, or lack thereof. although we did engage in some pseudo-scientific debate and concluded that it'd be next to impossible to do that. S turned green at one point but we were naughty and persisted in putting him off his yakiniku. sorry S!

over at the bond party, filled with pseudo-cool swedish punks who oozed self-obsession, i remained happily ensconed in the booth. caught up with A and S and was admittedly antisocial but just couldn't be bothered to get out there. am in a great place where i'm really happy with the friends i've made and don't feel the urge to acquire more friends just to boost my flagging facebook numbers. if i chance upon likeable people, or vice versa, cool. if i don't, i'm hardly hard-pressed for meaningful conversation and pleasant company as is. life's to short to pounce on every random and attempt establish a connection of sorts.

and to further cement my boring status, all i could think about towards the end of the evening was the pot of earl grey i would make before bed and gold rush by miri yu.

in conversation

with my gramps

"are you friends with black people???"

sometimes i get as horrified as you probably are. and other times, i attribute it to a xenophobia so entrenched in his psyche that it's as much a part of him as, say, his pinky, and it really doesn't do me any good to judge. this' someone who saved himself during the japanese occupation by teaching himself how to play the violin and scoring a seat in the then syonan-to orchestra. this' someone who later went on to the colony's administrative service, taught himself jawi and was promptly sent to oxford for graduate studies. this' someone who was globe-trottin' before it became in vogue and who i hold responsible for my inherent wanderlust.

and yet despite all these finishings, the seeming acceptance of or resignation at the japanese invasion, learning the language of the bumi putra and subsequent exposure to the decadent west, you'd think his racist underpinnings would have been gradually eroded! but he still clings to his irrational aversions. nobody's perfect, and maybe avenue q was right.

p/s i'll be the first to admit that i'm racist in only entrusting my camera to japanese youth, and letting asian stylists touch my hair. there's probably more to it but let's not venture into the heart of darkness.

espresso express

german A first told me about this amazing invention. having never heard of a stove top espresso maker before, i was naturally fascinated. and then at M's yesterday, R brewed some espresso and showed me how it's done the italian way. i'd seen a similar little gem tucked away in our communal cupboard before but never got down to finding out how to use it. after R's demonstration though, i was confident that brewing espresso wasn't exactly rocket science. the only problem, however, was that instead of looking like this: (i.e. sparkling and clean)

ours looked a little grotty. so i made it my personal project to clean our espresso maker and rid it off its blemishes. while watching me scrub and scrub, K commented that black doesn't necessarily mean its dirty. good point, especially because my cleaning attempt was, unsurprisingly, an epic failure. the steel looked the same after i cleaned it. so i comforted myself with the knowledge that the water would be boiled anyway, and whatever particulate matter it picked up from the dirty container would be, um, sterilised by the heat? here's hoping.

(at least the espresso container was clean!)

and, as with most things, i accidentally went overboard and brewed a quintiple shot because, well, i'm caffeine-tolerant. or so i thought. i can usually down a double shot at 2300h and be sound asleep 10 minutes later. but not this time. perhaps 250ml of espresso was a little excessive. because soon after i was bouncing off the walls. in a weird way, this caffeine injection was great for my room because i went on a tidying rampage, folding and colour coding my wardrobe, shoes, bedlinen, towels, packets of food mix, basically everything that could be rearranged was. and then i still had so much energy left over that i ran 4km in record (to me) time. and i think i drunk-dialled my dear friends back in singers with a suspiciously trippy sounding text. oops. well, lesson learnt: go easy on the espresso.

mid-day angst

have i mentioned how much i detest sweden? like, Detest. i don't understand why why why they're so so so sticky. i got a note saying i'd a parcel (yay!) that couldn't fit into my mailbox (boo.) so i'd to go to the gas station (???) (boo.) to collect it (yay!). the notice was in swedish, by the way, so i obviously understand swedish and knew exactly what to do.

at the gas station i presented it to guy behind the counter.

uptight swede: can i see some ID

me: here (passed him stockholm uni ID card and photo ID to check against)

uptight swede: i need your passport.

me: i don't have it.

uptight swede: well you need your passport.

me: and i don't have it.

uptight swede: i can't help you.

me: the university said i could use this is ID in sweden.

uptight swede: yeah but not here.

me: this is sweden.

uptight swede: well, you can't use it here.

me: where does it say i need my passport?

uptight swede: it says you need valid identification.

me: yes, this' my valid identification.

uptight swede: no, you need your passport.

me: ok, i don't have my passport. can i see the parcel?

uptight swede: no.

me: i won't even touch it.

uptight swede: no.

me: i just want to see the size and handwriting. you can hold it behind the counter.

uptight swede: i can't.

me: but i'm leaving town for awhile and i'm afraid it's perishable. could you make an exception?

uptight swede: no.

me: why?

uptight swede: because you need your passport.

if the notice clearly stated 'bring your passport, or else.' FINE. but it didn't. so don't read terms into the contract, ya know. don't understand why they're so particular. to get into a club i need my passport. to buy alcohol from their silly monopoly i need a passport. i'd probably need a passport to ride the bus next. mid morning angst. i don't like their immigration officers either. put you through third degree when i've all the necessary documents and VISA. when will they realise that i come from a country infinitely superior to theirs in so many ways (except, maybe, air quality) and am absolutely uninterested in overstaying my welcome. it's so presumptuous to think that everyone will want to remain here. i'm liking stockholm for the scenery and my friends on exchange, by proxy the university, and i've a lovely room. but there's most definitely no love lost between the swedes and i.

a disaster a day

this post's for you, S.

deep down i hope this'll be the last tragicomedy cooking post. even deeper down, however, i know there must be an inner reserve of strength to fight the self-delusion. in fact, i'm quite resigned to the fact that my place's most certainly not in the kitchen. i don't need molecular gastronomy, i just want to not-starve. that's not asking for very much, is it?

after the coffeemaker on sunday, the prawn stock on monday (literally reduced to nothing at all) and the rice cooker on tuesday, i'd thought the kitchen was running out of ammo against me. as of this morning, the score was still 2:0 in the kitchen's favour. but i awoke with a renewed zest to actually do something right today. and i'm not just saying it, i was absolutely certain that today was the turning point. after all, how many more appliances could pull a decepticon and outwit me!

so with great drive and determination, i set out to make dinner. realised i'd perishables in the refrigerator that will go bad soon (well, duh...) and thought i'd whip up something cutting edge and innovative. ok so i lied about only wanting to not-starve. then i opened the refrigerator and accidentally found myself in an old mother hubbard moment. i'd 1/2 an aubergine (my new favourite vegetable), 4 semi-rotting tomatoes, 1kg of ageing onions, greek salad cheese and caviar. undauntered, i decided to attempt a vegetable stirfry. plus points for creativity, no? so i sauteed the sliced onion and aubergine with oyster sauce, diced the better half of a tomato, mixed it with the crumbling cheese and plated the lot. half hot, half cold. because i'm such a good cook, i obviously inhaled my dinner and was satiated. or not.

still peckish, i did something i'm not proud of. it was something i'd sworn i'd stop doing, something i'd rationally decided was beneath me, something my parents would be horrified about should they ever find out, something that made me start to question my self-worth. i broke into my stash of emergency microwave dinners. and this' when the fun started.

the kitchen gods must've sensed my budding optimism a mile away and saw it as an opportunity. i emptied the lot onto a plate, covered it with another plate like the good girl i am, added an additional 2 minutes for good measure and nuked it.

6+2minutes later, i remove my steaming dish from the microwave and take a tentative nibble. so far so good. this goes on for a few more chews before i hit something cold. and crunchy. something suspiciously like an ice crystal, or fifty. i stir the plate of microwaved goo and it makes a scary scratchy sound against the plate.

here we go again.

pertinent thought of the day: why's even a microwaved dinner beyond my reach?

p/s this episode took precedence over my kettle incident in the a.m. let's just say overflowing kettle + electric base = kettle death. the current count is kitchen 3 : me 1. it's mutually assured destruction, i kid you not.

she said the L word

"enough with the photos, let's eat the cake already."

this might come as a surprise but my porpor (nan) has never used the L word on me. not once. but when i called today to speak with her and my kongkong (gramps) she actually said she loved me.

now it's not like i didn't already know that. i know very well how much my grandparents love me and it's a great feeling because i'm incredibly blessed to have grandparents who're lucid and in the pink of health despite pushing 90. and they show their love rather than say it which i personally prefer to effusive i love yous that are sometimes used as conversation fillers.

it's in the meals porpor cooks for me when i walk over for lunch after class, it's in the constant reminders to eat well and sleep well, it's in her gentle nudging to make the most of my opportunities (instead of giving it all up for a man and family!), it's in the space she gives me and the deliberate choice she makes not to rush me into settling down, beautifully complemented by the way she treats the love of my life as if he were her own. and kongkong's always indulging me, letting me go on and on about the banalities of my existence as we connect over our shared idiosyncracies that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company, lest we come across as nazis ;)

in part, i attribute it to an asian reticence, where the L word isn't something to be bandied about and in fact, viewed as something that only the decadent west (haha i love that expression!) is privy to. this reticence extends to a physical reservation where my grandparents are hardly touchy feely. interestingly enough, i think they like it when i hug and kiss them but they never hug back. nor do they ever initiate it. yet, it's great to feel loved, to enjoy the depth of their affection for me. and once in awhile, it's really nice to hear it too. like today, over the phone, which kinda sucker-punched me, in a good way. because i know it's not something she's used to saying, to hear her verbalise it, knowing she most definitely means it, is nothing short of extraordinary.

so maybe the L word is overrated. maybe it's unnecessary if the receiver already knows. i don't need to hear it from them to know they do, although it was music to my ears all the same, because i love her too.

F's test for stupid

after class today, we went for dinner at what's fast becoming our italian hangout. the service was slow, as usual, and we'd to wait too long to be seated. part of me wished the waiter had told us that it'd be a half hour wait so we'd have the option of going elsewhere. but he kept saying, 'almost! almost! soon! soon!' and we kept waiting five minutes more, and then another five minutes. the food came much faster this time though, compared to the ninety minutes we waited for the mains the last time. then again, we did have eleven people that time! the pizza was too big for dinner so it'll probably be dinner tomorrow night, and breakfast on wednesday, along with half of the microwaved dinner i've got in the fridge.

adjourned to J's after dinner for some candlelit conversation, fueled by coke of the beverage kind. we talked, we teased and then we went home after planning to booze cruise to helsinki this weekend. A very kindly dropped M and i home and i realised it's my first time in a car in a month. in fact, being driven on the roads was almost surreal because i'm so used to taking the subway. but it was pleasant and relaxing and i forgot about how getting home from J's was a potential nightmare because i'd have had to change lines at central and it was getting late etc etc.

and, of course, we teased F about his stupid test and i'm incredibly amused that he puts everyone through this test of his, whether they realise it or not. almost makes me not want to know how i scored!

eggs

i realise i've not had egg since coming to stockholm. it's been exactly 3 weeks since i landed and i've yet to eat egg. part of me is intimidated by their limited shelf-life and i'm wary of feeling pressured to eat in and finish my fresh produce before it goes bad. i'm still ploughing through my first sack of onions, whatever possessed me to buy 2kg of onion that time has long been exorcised but i'm stuck with too many onions and too few ideas. i miss my dutch oven. if i'd my dutch oven, i'd have made some french onion soup by now but my lack of semi-decent crockery over here has been institutionalised as an eternal excuse to justify my culinary sloth. that said, i've been having onions with everything: stir fried pork - also purchased in bulk, soup, porridge, and i was so desperate i even almost had it with my muesli in the morning. basically, i'm about to hit my onion limit but the bag is magical and the supply unending.

if i'd eggs, i could make an onion omelette. if i'd cheese, i could make an onion omelette with cheese. if i'd tomatoes, i'd make a spanish omelette. and my onions can aspire to greater things other than being the token fibre complementing my microwaved dinner (babies, don't you dare tell the parentals that i'm using the microwave.) but for the nonce, they remain onions condemned to gastronomic mediocrity in a bag with a few sprouting potatoes masquerading as onions. i need to do something about my potatoes, too. see what i mean by being pressured to cook and engage in fruitful activity other than sleep?

to assuage my guilty conscience, i think i'm going to hunt down sirap and its legendary pancakes tomorrow. even though i spent a week at a hotel just a stone's throw from sirap, i didn't manage to haul my lazy behind there before and there's no better time than tomorrow morning because unlike my conscientious friends who signed up for swedish, i'm absolutely free.